Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize