He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
