I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How's work?
Spinning.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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