i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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