Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
