It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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