I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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