I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
