Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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