Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I showed him my bush... on skype.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Randomize
