so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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