Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
