hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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