Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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