Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
