apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
this boner is exhausting
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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