Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
