Pants 0. Shit 1.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
