It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
