I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
