6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The best revenge is premature balding
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
