waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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