So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
