More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
