I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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