i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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