If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
