My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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