I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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