I heard we made out
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
