To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just threw up on my dentist
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
