so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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