I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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