hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
