There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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