this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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