If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
