Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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