I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
