haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
