if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
