it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it glows. i had to have it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize