the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize