End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize