Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
