I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
