She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
