If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
