It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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