oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
