I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize