It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In other news, I just burned my penis
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
