Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
