Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
