If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
