I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
