Sry I called you an 8
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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