I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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