That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize