you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
