Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
try to milk me bitch
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