i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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