You just made me feel so damn special
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
