He is like the real live version of the state fair..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
