the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize