paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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