We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize