the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
