I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
