i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
