is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
