"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
