Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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