My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
