I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
